At Home (still…) 22nd March 2021
First of all, What. A. Great. Year. we’ve got coming up!
I’ve bonded with 2021 very readily. Unlike last year, I have commuting time to do my blind listening on Spotify, and Twitter time to see the fandom’s reactions to the entries. And hoo boy, I’m really not on the same page as most people. Maybe it’s because I’m a bit older than the average fan? Or that I’m not a gay man, so I’m less focussed on the visual/diva aspects? Who knows, but I can confidently say that this blog is not going to go over well with most fans.
So let’s go straight into the first controversy, and my wooden spoon. Step forward….SWEDEN. Yes, the Sweden that spends months and even more money on Melfest and is the only country that really rivals the UK in musical pedigree. How did they come up with a poorer rehash of Russia’s 2015 sancti-shit, with worse lyrics if that’s even possible? Add the sterile, soulless production, key-change and X-factor closing chorus and there is just nothing good here other than Tusse who shouldn’t have gone near this song. In a staggering moment of arrogance, Christer Bjorkman said that he’d “sort the UK out”. I’d honestly rather continue to get poor results with songs that are at least true to ourselves, than have us turn into Sweden. Don’t call us, we’ll call you.
Next we have the (very few) songs that I have to flunk by having zero musical merit. Latvia, Serbia, Moldova and sadly, San Marino. After two excellent years, Senhit’s ability is wasted on this generic party song and I couldn’t care less if Flo Rida does his naff rap on the night or not. Big Names aren’t an automatic shortcut to success, as Cascada and Darude have already demonstrated.
I had to create a sub-category here, which I have titled “Isn’t This In Fire Saga?”, for songs which are so ridiculous they are almost parodies. Azerbaijan and Albania seem to be stuck in the noughties, as does Finland who sound like they’ve just discovered Nu-Metal for the first time 15 years later.
There’s an equally small list of “Meh” before we start getting to the good stuff. Russia (just weird and not in the good way), Slovenia (one of the best singers with a duff song) and Estonia (Uku will have to smoulder and make sexy eyes into the camera for this to do anything). Georgia keeps sliding up and down my rankings and I can’t fully make my mind up on it. Tornike’s voice sounds fascinating one minute, and horribly jarring the next. It’s magical once it gets going, but it’s too late into the song and I think most viewers will have written it off by then unfortunately. I was also a bit warmer to Cyprus initially, but it’s been eclipsed by the many similar songs and I also think they need to stop trying to make Fuego re-happen now and change tack.
The biggest category is “This is a pretty good song, but it’s not my taste”, who may have been top tenners last year. This contains a lot of the returning artists, most of whom have upped their game from last year, but then so did everyone. Ukraine (Mr LLPP’s favourite, but he’s a 90’s Rave kid. Not half as annoying their 2020 effort though), Israel, Romania, Bulgaria (just a bit too twee to land higher), Spain, North Macedonia and Netherlands. The message of this song is so pertinent that it’s almost risky to say anything against it for fear of being labelled racist, and while I love how it’s coming from a sincere place, I’m still going to say it…it’s pretentious, and too in-your-face, much like “Roi” ended up being on the night.
Ireland are one of the very few returners who’ve unfortunately come back weaker and while “Maps” is still good I think it sadly won’t make it out of its Semi of Death. Ditto Australia, where everything is going to hinge on whether Montaigne can actually sing live…the evidence points against her so far.
That leaves 17 songs (apart from Belarus who still haven’t submitted a valid song, but who cares?), so who doesn’t quite make my top ten? France will do very well on the night for sure, but I’ve watched enough Francophonic ballads on this blog to give me an allergy. Czechia has a great flow to it and has possibly made the biggest improvement from last year. Malta is brilliantly sassy but a little too close to “Toy”. Croatia and Greece have addictive choruses but weak verses, Austria show Vincent Bueno’s versatility and I love the straightforwardness of Norway (and well done to them for not just defaulting back to Keiino).
But there are just too many great songs fighting them off. Get ready for my very bizarre top ten!
1 point: Italy: Maneskin “Zitti e Buoni”
The best thing about Italy post comeback is that we have had something completely different every year. Jazz, Opera, Party Song, Ballads…and now we’ve got a great rock song. They’re clearly on a winning trajectory, just don’t give Toto the job next time eh? Allora!
2 points: United Kingdom: James Newman “Embers”
I can hardly believe I’m writing this – I have our entry in the top ten! Every time it comes on in the car (and the radio, as it’s getting some serious airplay) I immediately feel happy and pleased to hear it, and it’s the best chorus of the entire pack. I just hope the rest of Europe gets it, but we really can’t ask any more from James than what he’s delivered. Maybe, just maybe, this will get out of the bottom 5. It’s fantastic to finally be able to get behind our entry, but scary too. What more can we do if this doesn’t do well?
3 points: Switzerland: Gjon’s Tears “Tout L’Universe”
Yes, it’s an excellent song and Gjon is a gifted singer. It’s also Arcade in French basically. I don’t think this will come over so well without an arena audience to add the atmosphere. Juries will love it but I think the televoters are not going to favour the downbeat songs and it’ll have to pull from both sides. It’ll be top three, but I can’t see it winning. I really don’t know who will beat it though.
4 points: Poland: Rafal “The Ride”
In a year where “Blinding Lights” has been the biggest song in the world (not that the Grammys noticed), this is a clever Eurovision take on it without being outright plagiarism. It’s the best composition in the entire field, and doesn’t land at the top only because the lyrics are a bit clunky and the whole thing has a slight regional sound to it (let’s not talk about this terrible video) rather than being a potential worldwide hit.
5 points: Portugal: The Black Mamba “Love Is On My Side”
I know most people have this near the bottom, but if you know my love of 70’s music, then you’ll understand that this is the most LLPP-esque song in the field. It would sit very well in Rod Stewart’s or Bobby Womack’s back catalogue. Maybe it can right the wrong of “I Am Yours”…but as they sing in the chorus “Maybe not tonight”. I think I’m in for some heartbreak in their semi…
6 points: Lithuania: The Roop “Discotheque”
I very much doubt The Roop read this blog. But they do seem to have taken on my feedback about the problems with “On Fire”. Gone is the now-dated Aviici sound and insipid Fire-Desire rhyming, and here is a slick, international-sounding hit. And yes please to Vilnius hosting, as I can’t afford to go anywhere expensive in 2022!
7 points: Germany: Jendrik “I Don’t Feel Hate”
No need to build an atmosphere on this; it grabs you from the opening line and keeps you hooked all the way through and that’s before we even get onto Jendrik. I love the bonkersness of this and unlike Switzerland or France, I think this is the sort of tone that the televote will be after for this year. I can’t wait to see how they stage this.
8 points: Iceland: Dadi og Gagnamagnio “10 Years”
Having followed his YouTube over the past year, everything Dadi touches turns to gold and it’s so good for the contest to have a real breakout star from the shitstorm of 2020. I think this song is slightly weaker than “Think About Things”, but that’s partly because that sounded so fresh and unusual at the time, and that element of surprise is lost this time. You’d be a fool to bet against this though.
10 points: Belgium: Hooverphonic “The Wrong Place”
If I was ranking the songs based on what I wanted to love, then Netherlands would be top and this would be dead last. Their attitude to Europe Shine A Light was total snobbery, and Alex Callier just doesn’t seem to be a very nice person. But music doesn’t work that way. I suspect the fandom will make sure this doesn’t qualify, but that doesn’t stop it from being one of the best in this exceptional year. Just don’t fuck up the staging, eh Belgium?
12 points Denmark: Fyr & Flamme “Ove Os Pa Hinanden”
Put yourself in the place of 4 year old Anna watching her first Eurovision in 1985. This is the sort of song that would start the lifelong love affair with the contest and because of that, it sails to my douze. I love the attention to 80’s Eurovision detail in the whole concept; the production, the pink jacket, to singing in Danish, and particularly the orchestra on this DMGP version (WHY can’t we have that on the night?!). Denmark have completely thrown any element of competition out of the window here, and went for something they love, as evidenced by it topping the charts there. It will either tank completely or do extremely well – I have a feeling older televoters will gravitate to this. Fab-u-lous.
Love Love Peace Peace 
Wow. They are unpopular opinions.
I too have some:
– I don’t get the hype around Discoteque. It’s a far weaker song than On Fire IMHO.
– Both Ukraine and Australia are in grave danger of being shock non-qualifiers and losing their 100% record, the final two countries to have clean sheets.
– Sweden is in trouble here, and may get their second NQ.
– Having been a huge fan of your writing and having used them alongside the Eurovision Again repeats, I totally get why you’ve gone for Denmark. But I’m not betting on it for the win.
– The UK has a realistic chance of Top 10. Hopefully the lessons of previous years have been learnt; the concept for last year suggests they have been.
One other major point:
Europe is heading into a third wave of Coronavirus, and that combined with the EU arsing up the vaccination programme means harsher lockdowns are inevitable. This means there’s going to be a MUCH bigger captive audience, especially on the Saturday night, who will tune in as a result of being stuck indoors. Final night for us is the first Saturday hospitality reopens; if that gets pushed back (possible if the third wave hits us) with no BGT on the other side I reckon the contest will do Strictly levels of numbers for BBC One.
Indeed, I imagine this year will do record figures smashing 200m worldwide.
The upshot of all this is many, many more casual fans will be watching – the sort of people who don’t go out of their way to watch it. And some of those will call up, text (Insert a UK VIEWERS CANNOT VOTE BY TEXT strap across the output here) or use the app to register a vote. The Juries will always be the juries, but the televote could be wild this year.
For me it’s the most wide open Eurovision for many years and I don’t think we will see the winner coming as obviously as we did at the last two shows.
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That’s an excellent point, and I also think that Fire Saga will bring in a new wave of viewers keen to see if the contest is actually like how it’s depicted in the film. Luckily they’ll get a fantastic introduction.
You’re absolutely right about the viewership, and I think most viewers will be making a “date with the TV” and making a bit of at at-home party event out of it, like we’ve done for years. Switzerland is at an immediate disadvantage and will have to be really spectacular to win the televoters over. It all plays nicely into Iceland’s hands, but as you say it’s wide open and I think any one of about ten songs could take it (not Denmark or Portugal sadly, but I’m still hoping for a good showing).
I feel that if “Voices” had been the UK entry, we would have had a pile on of “they’re playing it safe again” and been laughed at. But people suddenly revere it because it’s Sweden (I felt similar about “Too Late For Love”, although “Bigger Than Us” wasn’t ever comparable, and it was pretty obviously a Lundvik reject). Yes I’m completely bitter about Arvingarna not getting it (Arvingarna and Fyr & Flamme, my baby Eurofan heart would explode!) but I think even in Swedish it would have at least qualified.
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I agree with you on how strong this year is! A bunch of variety here, though there may be some underdogs amongst the weaker end.
That said, my top four at the moment are France, Ukraine, Italy, and Belgium:
–Voilà touches me in all the right ways, with its assertive lyrics and its whimsical charm. I get why people are gunning for this to win (which is my hope), but I’m afraid it may underdeliver too due to the competition. I’m also baffled on why Tout d’univers is getting more hype–I like it too (and it’s in my top ten), but really?
–Shum is quite fun–while i do prefer Solovey and the melody is a bit clunky in the instrumental, it’s still a total jam. As for its chances in the contest, it does line on the borderline in terms of qualifying, but I hope a good staging elevates it.
–Zitti e Buoni is a total jam–while not my favorite of Sanremo that year, it still has the quality and the attitude to take it far. Since you mentioned orchestral arrangements in context of your favorite, Zitti e Buoni’s is also fantastic.
–While I do think Hooverphonic acted a bit snobby several times, I didn’t let that cloud my judgement of the song. And The Wrong Place is absolutely fantastic, in terms of how intriguing and dark it is. It has less of a mysterious atmosphere than “Release Me”, but it’s still fantastic. It may even become one of my favorites from Belgium with time…
Also, since you love Embers, when was the last time the UK was in your top ten, by chance?
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I’d had higher hopes for Love Can Set You Free, Storms and You’re Not Alone, but I honestly think the last time the UK was in my top ten was Come Back, and that’s partly because that was a weak year. For Embers to make top ten in this field is exciting.
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Avingara would have definitely qualified, and gained viral traction for the, oh let’s call it the “Iceland 1987” effect.
Voices is about on the same page as Bigger Than Us, in my opinion. Like you say, it’s had automatic love because it’s Sweden but I completely agree if that was the UK entry I’d not be a happy bunny. I’ve actually got faith that we could hit big here. Some of my friends have rubbished it, but the BBC could pair Ed Sheeran & Adele and they’d still find fault with it.
I certainly would like to see someone else knock Italy off their perch in terms of “Top Big 5” though. Part of it’s because I don’t want our first “normal” contest back to be a RAI trainwreck, but they’ve been showing the other automatic qualifiers up for far too long now. France and ourselves have a chance to beat them for once!
I agree, the “Fire Saga” effect will be really interesting. All of this will gain the contest a new fanbase, and hopefully bring in some “lapsed” fans too, who may have written it off as a silly show in the past and might find themselves surprised at how well it holds up against the other shiny-floor formats they’re glued to the rest of the year.
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Well fuck me sideways and call me Toto. This aged well!
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